The Funniest Religious Joke Of All Time

About loving one and other

The following joke by Emo Philips has been voted the funniest religious joke of all times.

Loving each other

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!”

He said, “Nobody loves me.”

I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

He said, “Yes.”

I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?”

He said, “A Christian.”

I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?”

He said, “Protestant.”

I said, “Me, too! What franchise?”

He said, “Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”

I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.

 

Believers are commanded to love one and other

Believers are commanded to love one and other. The commandments tell us this and Jesus summed it up just as His Father did by saying, ‘Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.’

Jokes are usually funniest when they resemble real life. Many religious people find it easy to love each other when they are in agreement on the doctrine, but as soon as there is the slightest disagreement many of us are happy to threaten each other with hell fire. My teacher taught me to continue loving people when I’m in disagreement with them too. In scripture we are not asked to love each other, but we are ‘commanded’ to love one and other.  Jesus said that his disciples can be recognised by the love they have for one and other.

And yet one of the scariest things for me is to share my love of scripture with others. Why is it scary to share my love of scripture particularly with other believers? Because many  believers think that the only right way to believe is ‘their’ way. This is beautifully illustrated by Elmo’s joke as mentioned above.

The bible tells me that God knows the heart and that we are not to judge each other. Many people turn away from religion because of the hypocrisy. Just the other day I read a lovely quote by a religious man who said that he ‘put all the books aside.’ And now his religion is  “Never be the source of anyone’s misfortune and never pass up the opportunity to perform a charitable deed.” That is all.  By Carl D’Agostino. I think that sums the teachings up just nicely.

A star rating is just someones opinion and beauty is in the eye of the beholder

The above joke by Elmo tells us that religion is no joke and that there is a lot of room for improvement. The following three scenarios highlight the inanity to expect others to see anything at all the same way as we do ourselves.

Scenario one

Whenever I go to Amazon books and read the reviews about any given book, it never ceases to amaze me how many different opinions are given for any particular book. Whilst many people may hit the five star button, there’s usually also a fair few who hit the one or two star button. And all that this shows me is that human beings tend to have different opinions about the same thing.

The five star opinion nor the one star opinion make the book necessarily a good or a bad book. The star rating is just a measure of someones opinion about the book.

Scenario two

A friend brought in her new puppy dog the other day and the neighbour’s child ran out crying after the puppy jumped up at her  and licked her. The child thought that the dog attacked her whilst in reality the dog was trying to make a new friend. A little later whilst my daughter was sitting on the floor playing with the puppy, the child’s mum walked in and asked if this was a guide dog in training. The first person thought that the puppy was an vicious monster, the mum thought that the dog was a guide dog and my daughter saw the same animal as a playmate. Could they all be right at the same time?

Scenario three 

Standing on the shore line one day my husband pointed to a boat in the distance and said that he could see the coast guard. My brother who was standing next to him and expecting one of his sailor friends to drop by, insisted it was a yacht. His ten year old son peering through his new binoculars could only see a pirate ship. All three of them were looking at the same boat at the same time.

Please don’t push me off the bridge

Considering the three above given scenarios; what makes us think that we are ever going to be in agreement over religion, denominations or churches, temples and synagogues? We all have different viewpoints and different religions, yet we are all human beings who share this planet and our stories in order to be of benefit to one and other.

I’ll be talking about God’s Word and how it has impacted my life and why it works for me and my family. What I have learned in the process is that everyone will give their own interpretation about their own religion or lack thereof. Yet in the end it is all about what is in a person’s heart.

I love GOD’s Word because it has given me a template to live by and it answers every single question I’ve ever had. I am very grateful and keen to share this with anyone who wants to hear because God’s Word kept me alive and has given me hope for a new life and new future and I know it will do the same for others too.
I am tentatively taking my first few new steps.

Please don’t push me off the bridge.

 

all rights reserved copyright myemmanuel 2014

 

 

3 Responses

  1. I was not able to leave a comment on your Blog Mimi, someone at WordPress had changed the log in details box deliberately and on my Blog I was blocked from commenting all together but I was able to clear it by my settings, it looks like it is someone who is connected to the Gravatar .

    I did respond Mimi on my Blog to this Post by leaving a comment for you when I couldn’t leave it here. No doubt you will feel a bit wet by my reply but I believe in all honesty with sharing God’s Truth and I don’t pretend to be Happy Clappy when I’m not but I very much believe you are a special woman with a great message to offer others as you share your faith and Trust in The Lord.

    Christian Love Always – Anne

  2. Mimi
    | Reply

    Thank you Anne, that explains why I haven’t had access to my account for the last few days. Yes looking forward to meeting you.

  3. […] This seems like a very hard thing to do. Especially considering that many believers defend their belief with all their might, misguided as we all at times may be. I have, unfortunately, offended people by telling Christian jokes such as the one told by Emo Philips which has been voted the funniest religious joke of all times. […]

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